‍"I just want to be more confident at work."

That makes sense. I hear this a lot in my coaching practice, usually followed by some variation of "but I don't want to be fake about it" or "I'm tired of pretending I know what I'm doing." You don't have to choose between being authentic and being effective. Leadership presence isn't about putting on a show—it's about showing up as the best version of yourself, consistently.

There are four qualities that matter in leadership presence: Confidence, Authenticity, Gravitas, and Charisma. No one is born as a perfectly formed leader. We're all just figuring it out as we go, hopefully with intention, practice and progress.

‍

1. Confidence:
It's Not About Faking It Till You Make It

Confidence is simply knowing you are capable of doing the thing you set out to do. That's it.

We've all tried the "fake it till you make it" approach. Meh. Too much energy. Real confidence comes from a different place—it's grounded in experience, preparation, risk evaluation and a clear-eyed understanding of your capabilities.

The Confidence Building Toolkit

1. Learn to be a Beginner: This might sound counterintuitive, but hear me out. Invest in opportunities to build your leadership skills by admitting you don't know everything. Attend workshops, take on challenging projects, ask questions that might make you look less than omniscient. When you embrace the beginner's mindset, you're open to new approaches, you're more open to learning, and you build resilience.

2. Get Insight from Your Heroes: Find colleagues who inspire you and actually talk to them. Be vulnerable. A simple, direct conversation can work wonders: "I've admired your ability to handle difficult conversations. How did you develop that skill?" Most people are flattered to be asked and happy to share their experience.

3. Failure Happens. Embrace It: Easy to say, very hard to do. Analyze what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and adapt your approach. A growth mindset builds resilience and teaches your brain that setbacks are data, not verdicts.

4. Track Your Progress: Break down larger personal goals into smaller, achievable milestones you can track to build proof that you are "doing the thing you set out to do". Too often we don't give ourselves credit and diminish the small steps that are required for personal growth. Celebrate your successes along the way, no matter how small. (I was impressed when an introverted colleague told me they set a goal to speak twice in an intimidating group meeting. It may not sound like much, but we build confidence by saying we'll do something and then accomplishing said thing.)

5. Communicate Effectively: Practice three parts of communication: active listening, articulating your thoughts clearly, and asking for feedback. Strong, trusted communication gives you the confidence to share more ideas, make suggestions, or ask more questions. We're usually good at one of the three, so acknowledge your weak point and start to build better skills.

Key Questions for Self-Assessment:

• Do I feel comfortable and at ease in my own skin?
• Do I feel empowered to speak up clearly to represent my thoughts?
• Do I regularly take risks with a sense of optimism and readiness to learn?
• Is my confidence grounded in a clear-eyed understanding of risks, not just blind optimism?

------------

2. Authenticity:
Being Real Without Being TMI

Many cultures encourage you to "bring your full self to work." That's kind of weird advice. How do you draw a line between professionalism and maintaining boundaries that make sense for you? Can you show up as a real person and not Robot Boss?

People want leaders who are empathetic, authentic human beings. It's difficult to trust and work for a leader that's hard to read.

The Authenticity Balancing Act

1. Know and Share Your Values: Develop a strong understanding of your core values and beliefs. Take time to reflect on what matters most to you personally and professionally. Work with your team to develop and support team-wide values. When your actions align with stated values, people notice.

2. Become a Transparent Communicator: Foster open and honest communication by sharing information, providing regular updates, and being approachable. Even when you don't have an answer to a question, be honest about it. "I don't know, but I'll find out and get back to you" builds more credibility than creative deflection.

3. Encourage a Culture of Open Dialogue: Create space for everyone to feel comfortable expressing their opinions and concerns. Some leaders avoid this because they fear they need to fix every issue in real-time. Many times, teams just want to be heard and have a safe space to express concerns. Listen for subtext—why are these topics coming up? What's the real motivation?

4. Emphasize Emotional Intelligence: Show genuine interest in your team's well-being, listen actively to their concerns, and acknowledge their contributions. You don't need to fix everything. Ask how you can best support. Active listening and being present (without immediately trying to fix or convince someone otherwise) can be a gift.

5. Do As You Say: Lead by example, demonstrating integrity and consistency. Align your words with your behaviors, and hold yourself to the same standards you expect from others. Admit when you make mistakes, take ownership, and learn from them.

Key Questions for Self-Assessment:

• Do I share transparently about team wins as well as my own learning experiences?
• Do I acknowledge where I'm strong and where I need feedback and support?
• Am I open to feedback, or have I given the impression that I'm not interested?
• Do I show up authentically while respecting professional boundaries?

-------------

3. Gravitas:
Acknowledging Your Power Without Being a Tyrant

Of all four qualities, gravitas is the one I rarely hear discussed in the workplace. When we think about gravitas, what comes to mind? Someone too serious? Someone controlling or demanding?

I define gravitas as an appropriate acknowledgement of your power as a leader, as well as your ability to wield that power with grace and discernment.

It's not about being really, really serious all the time. It's about understanding that leadership comes with real responsibility and influence, and not shying away from that reality.

Building Your Leadership Gravitas

1. Cultivate Self-Confidence: Don't be bashful about acknowledging your strengths, accomplishments, and expertise. When you project confidence, others are more likely to view you as credible and influential.

2. Be in Your Body (Yes, You Have One. It's the Thing Below Your Neck): Executive presence has to do with how we show up physically. Practice maintaining a composed and poised presence, especially during challenging situations. This doesn't mean ignoring big issues, but practicing responding instead of reacting under pressure.

3. Build Strategic Thinking and Decision-Making Skills: Sharpen your strategic thinking by staying informed about company goals, industry trends, and potential challenges. Start by spending time each week on this to develop a POV. The combination of strategic thinking and effective decision-making contributes to your credibility. You're going to get it wrong sometimes—pressure test your ideas with trusted peers.

4. Grace Under Pressure: Learn to handle pressure and setbacks with resilience and grace. Develop emotional intelligence by practicing stress management techniques before the emergency hits. People feel safe when you're steady at the helm.

5. Build a Track Record of Accomplishments: You're a professional. Make a list of your professional accomplishments. Write it out. Your proven ability to drive outcomes establishes you as someone who can be trusted and relied upon. You may not think you have a "track record," but give yourself time to think back on successes and goals met.

Key Questions for Self-Assessment:

• Do I acknowledge my power?
• Do I use my power in a just and constructive way that benefits the team?
• Do I convey dignity and responsibility without being overly serious?

----------------

4. Charisma:
It's Not Just for Natural-Born Charmers

Charisma is often associated with natural ability. Some folks have it and some folks don't, right?

While some people are more naturally charismatic, understanding the components of charisma can help you build your own authentic style. Being able to genuinely communicate what you're excited about to your team can be infectious.

Developing Your Charismatic Leadership

1. Develop Authenticity: Let your true self shine through by being genuine and transparent. People are drawn to leaders who are authentic and relatable. (Notice how authenticity keeps showing up? That's not an accident.)

2. Enhance Communication Skills with Storytelling: People relate to stories. They remember stories. Practice using compelling storytelling to convey your vision and inspire others. Keep them relevant, short, and illustrative of your point. Find stories that are inspiring (and inspire YOU.)

3. Display Confidence and Enthusiasm: Believe in your team and their abilities (even when they don't), and let that confidence settle into your demeanor and body language. Demonstrate curiosity, interest, and passion for your team's work. Your energy is contagious and inspires others to follow your lead.

4. Develop Emotional Intelligence: Charismatic leaders aren't just broadcasting out—they create connection by understanding others' emotions and perspectives. Practice actively listening, being attentive to non-verbal cues, and seeking to understand others' needs and concerns.

5. Inspire and Motivate Others: Paint a compelling picture of the future and how each team member contributes to that vision. Recognize and celebrate achievements. Model having a positive growth mindset.

Key Questions for Self-Assessment:

• What am I genuinely excited about creating in my role?
• When I've expressed that excitement and vision, do I see others getting inspired?
• If people don't share my excitement, why? Am I conveying something that matters to them?
• Am I providing enough context about why this is exciting and its impact?

------------------

Putting It All Together:
The Practice of Leadership Presence

Remember, leadership is not about being micromanaging, overbearing or overly stoic. None of these qualities are about putting on a performance. They're about connecting with others on a deeper level, inspiring them to follow your lead willingly.

Building leadership presence requires mindfulness and self-awareness that may be new for many people. We can have all the hard skills in the world, but without leadership presence, we may not get the results we want to create.

The key is practice. More information isn't the answer—practice is the path. Finding support through a peer with similar goals, a mentor, or a coach can make a world of difference.

Can we investigate our strengths and acknowledge our areas of growth with kindness and compassion? Can we find our own balance of strength, empathy, confidence, and connection?

People want to feel safe to trust the leaders on their teams. This means making a commitment to reliably show up as responsible and caring.

By building confidence through competence, showing up authentically while maintaining appropriate boundaries, acknowledging your power with grace, and inspiring others through genuine enthusiasm, you can develop the kind of leadership presence that doesn't just command respect—it earns it.

Now let's go practice. Your team is waiting.

‍