It happens to all of us.

Getting stuck. Feeling unable to make a decision. Continuing to list pros and cons. Being unsure about what to do next and returning again and again to the familiar (even when it stinks). Wishing you could take action in a new way, while watching yourself fall into the same ruts of old behaviors.

What can you do? Sometimes being stuck is like having tape all around you, the more you untangle yourself, the more you find yourself entangled. Sound familiar? You want something different but you can’t seem to unwind yourself from the situation, the habits, the fears. You know its time to make a change but you seem to be unable to start.

Susan came to work with me when she wanted to leave her job, but was conflicted. “It’s good enough? Isn’t it?” she’d ask me after she had spent a week scrolling through LinkedIn hoping to see something better. “I should really get it together and find another job, right? There’s no opportunity for me here, but I keep staying. Like an idiot.”

She was frustrated, exhausted and angry with herself.

How often do we do this? Dragging ourselves back and forth across the coals of indecision and self-judgement. Furious that we aren’t changing, unhappy about the situation we are in.

I should go.

I should appreciate what I have and stay.

I hate it here.

I should have left a year ago.

I don’t think it’s the right time.

I should definitely go.

We want change. It feels so painfully obvious. Yet, we take no steps to change. Or we plan amazing steps and bail on them all. Or we grasp for the next thing (anything!) and come to regret that as well.

Five ways to navigate the murky waters of feeling stuck.

1 / Accept that you’re stuck.

Name it. Just acknowledge that you’re not happy where you are but not sure how or when to move forward. You’re stuck. It’s that simple. If you have a friend who can empathetically listen without trying to shove you out of being stuck, talk to them about it. “I’m stuck. It’s painful. I wish it weren’t this way, but I am stuck.”

2 / Know that nothing ever stays the same.

The only constant is change. SO many times, I meet with clients who feel they are in a dead end situation and two weeks later in our next meeting circumstances change and everything is different. Feeling permanently stuck in any situation is an illusion. Things change. Seasons change. You change.

3 / Get ready to be ready.

Give yourself time to shift from old situation into a mindset ready to take action towards a new situation. No need to take action yet, just get ready to be ready. Just as you might go to a pool without leaping into the deep end immediately, you can also think about change without flinging yourself in the depths of it. Look at the pool. Feel the sensation of being at the end of something.

4 / Try something small to move forward.

Change feels daunting and we can’t really get a grasp of what Step One should be. Instead, take the smallest possible step forward. Before transforming his life into being completely focused on fitness and health, my friend would wake up at 6 AM, drive to the gym and sit in his car in the parking lot. Each day, he just adjusted to the new routine building an additional step. Adding additional exercises. Adding one small piece at a time, he had a reliable routine and lifetime fitness practice.

5 / Ask for help

This is a big one. Being stuck may be linked with shame. You feel ashamed that you can’t pull yourself out of the ditch. You feel disappointed that you’re in the situation and can’t seem to fix it fast enough. Asking for help can incredibly useful beyond just getting unstuck but frequently being able to see more option or possibilities than you were able to see alone.

If you’re stuck, you’re stuck. No need to be ashamed or angry with yourself. Be patient. Stop. Get to know the issue better. Find support. Take a small initial step. You’ll start moving and changing. Becoming unstuck will happen.

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Coaches Note:

It’s easy to get stuck, especially when we are living in more uncertainty or fast changing times. Our minds become less creative when we’re stressed. Our survival instincts kick in. We tend to burrow in and hold tight.

Working with clients, I see more possibilities open as we unpack what’s keeping us stuck and how we might be able to find new paths forward (with support!). We can determine when we can take wise risks, what timing feels right, and what we can do next - regardless of the outcomes. We can become resilient and keep going.

Find friends, a supportive community, a mentor or a coach. There are so many people who can be helpful and supportive, but it usually means being a little more vulnerable and asking for some help.

I’m in your corner!

Courtney

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