Might seem weird that someone with a coaching practice would encourage you to find a mentor, but stick with me. 

First we live in a society where we are expected to individually figure it out on our own and/or pay for a solution. While paying for coaching, therapy, or some other speciality is a great move, there’s also a place for mentorship. Many of my clients have multiple forms of support, after all when you’re going through massive changes or growth, it makes sense to bring a team onboard. I thrive when I’m working with my village. 

Why a mentor?

Often when I bring up the idea of a mentor to clients, they aren’t really sure where to start. Or maybe they suggest that their manager is (or could be) their mentor. I believe a mentor should widen what’s possible for you to attain for yourself - by being an example, an advisor, or even a helpful connector. So it might make sense to go further than the person at the next desk over. 

Connection, relationships and community. 

If you’re just starting without many ideas of who could be a good mentor, I’d encourage you to practice making more connections generally. Find communities, attend stuff in real life, find a little opportunity to give back or volunteer once a month, talk to another parent at soccer practice about more than your kid and soccer. Get off the “do it alone” program and be part of a squad. Or a buddy. They bring wisdom, support, insights, other helpful relationships, and more. 

Mentors have specific experience relevant to how you wish to grow and learn.

Mentors have hard earned wisdom and probably a deep understanding of your specific issues. They’ve lived it. And building relationships with people in your industry with more experience and relevant insights can be extraordinarily helpful.

How do I start?

Prep work - You may need to prep a bit by refreshing your network. Sometimes clients get stumped at the start, “I don’t know anyone”. That’s okay! Go meet some people. 

Short list - start by making a short list of people you feel might be good mentors. 

If that list is too short you might ask for recommendations from folks. Do they know someone that could be a good guide or might be helpful? This list does not include your manager (although that’s often an informal mentorship anyway), but someone in your world who you respect and has relevance. 

Find reciprocity - is there a way you can reciprocate? 

Can you help them on a passion project or upcoming event? Can you offer your skills or connections in some way? Even offering a recommendation of a few favorite books or podcasts with summaries can be a nice offer. 

Ask someone if they’d be willing to mentor you. 

Be specific about what you’re hoping to learn or where you’re looking for guidance. And I also think it helps to set a timeframe - like mentorship for 3 months so there’s a natural conclusion (you can always ask to extend but your mentor will understand what their commitment is going to look like)

Once you find someone:

Set up a structure - establish when and where and how you’ll be meeting. If you’re the mentee, take on as much of the burden of administrative scheduling as you can. Bring thoughts of how you hope the meetings can go. And of course, show up every time. Be prepared. 

First meeting - in your first meeting, prep some background could be most useful. What’s a snapshot of your experience? Where are you struggling now? What have you tried? An hour can fly by so make a clear intention to get to know your mentor and allow them to help you in some way.

Ongoing - Always bring something to the meeting - not just your problem but an insight or how you’ve noticed something is changing in the industry or something relevant that might be useful. Respect your mentor’s time. No one wants to spend an hour hearing someone complain. 

Alternative: Board of Directors with a Twist

Maybe having one mentor isn’t your style. Too formal. If you have multiple fronts you wish to have guidance on, it’s worth setting up a personal Board of Directors. It’s less formal (they don’t have to know you think of them as a board member) and can change frequently. You have a portfolio of people you can rebalance or adjust as needed. 

The Board of Directors is an idea that’s been around - but here’s my twist. 

Most people put together a board of directors that might already be close friends or peers. 

Here’s my twist:

First, I challenge you to include at least 1 -2 people who are aspirational to you. Someone a bit out of your league or someone who is an area where you aren’t working but where you’d like to go. 

Secondly, have an intention behind each board member. What is it you hope to achieve in relationship with this person?  Vague relationships can have vague outcomes. 

Lastly, your board member may not be an individual. Maybe you have a trusted community that helps you with health and fitness -that’s great! You found the right support there. 

So, your board may be: 

Parenting/Relationship, “Learn better ways to balance family time and work travel”

Leadership - “Uplevel my communication to executives”

Dream Job - “Understand what an MFA process looks like”

Health - “Have a perimenopause plan and information to stay healthy”

Future You - Someone doing something you’d like to be doing

General wisdom dispenser. “Have lunch monthly to get support”

People can move on and off your Board without much formality (and they probably will) but by asking you to do it on purpose and with intention you’ll know when its time to make change

By finding a few folks beyond your usual circle, you'll broaden your perspective and understanding. And having conversations with intention or purpose helps this process be more impactful than general chats.

Try it and let me know how it goes.

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