“I’m at a level at work that I enjoy. I used to want to climb the ladder, but it doesn’t seem as glamorous anymore. And besides, it seems like no one is getting promoted right now. But I’m afraid! What if I don’t grow!”
Well, first of all, if you’re asking that question you don’t need to worry about that. You’re seeking growth and learning and that probably won’t change.
However, today I wanted to write a little about ambition and identity. What happens when the things you were working so hard for seem to disappear — either the opportunity closes, or you just aren’t feeling it anymore.
Life is not a straight line up and to the right. It’s curvy. It has unexpected side-quests. There are times you feel locked-in and very focused and there are times you’re walking through an impenetrable fog of uncertainty.
You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re just… living.
If you need to check the compass of your ambition and see where your true north is pointing these days, here are a few things I can offer.
Check it:
Make a list of those goals you’ve held. Include the ones that might have been assumptions rather than your personal goals (ex: I’ll get my MBA someday because most people do in my family.)
Does this goal still feel aligned? Does it spark any joy or curiosity?
Does this goal align with my values? In what way?
To what end am I pursuing this goal? What am I really trying to accomplish?
Can I accomplish this end in another way?
What if I just didn’t do this? Do I feel better knowing I’ll never have to ___?
How do I feel about the possibility of dropping this goal entirely?
Notice if you feel relieved. Or maybe defensive. Or maybe like you’re ready to double down. Or maybe that the underlying reason for the goal is still there but you need to find a new route to it.
It’s okay to drop goals that really don’t serve your definition of a Good Life.
Warning! it may feel a bit confusing to end goals that don’t fit anymore. This is especially true if you don’t have a new shiny goal lined up ready to go. So give yourself some grace. Enjoy the blank space and give yourself the time to reflect on what might be next.
Life has seasons and our goals can expire or fall flat when they aren’t aligned with the things that are important to us now.
Often, I talk with clients who aren't quite aligned with whatever is going on in their lives NOW. And as we work to get them better connected to what they really want in a good life, they feel more energized, creative and excited. That's what I want for you, too.
