Most of my clients experience some kind of imposter syndrome or faltering confidence at some point. It’s natural. I experience it too sometimes.
Confidence is simply knowing you can do what you say you’ll do.
There’s a kind of ease knowing you’ll be successful in your quest.
Confidence isn’t the same as certainty. But confidence means knowing that no matter what comes up, you’ll be able to handle it by using your best judgment or figuring it out with some help.
When we aren’t sure, when we don’t trust our judgment, or when we are afraid that something will spin out of control, our confidence can falter.
You might ask more opinions. You might run it through ChatGPT. You might ask permission more often or double check if what you’re doing “makes sense”. And, instead of building more confidence, that can lead to more dependency. (“Oh, GPT caught something I didn’t think of. Oh, someone brought up a potential issue I hadn’t considered… I better keep asking everyone for a second opinion.”)
My mentor once told me, “If you aren’t using your power, someone else gladly will.”
Meaning, if you don’t own your knowledge, insights, opinions or problem solving, you might find yourself in a relationship with someone who is happy to tell you what to do, why you’re wrong, or what you missed — and all while taking credit for your great ideas.
Questions to ask yourself to build more confidence when it comes to decisions:
Does this seem like a reasonable action (or decision)?
Can I own this decision? Do I feel like I have reason or considerations that I can share to support my decision?
What’s the cost if I’m wrong? (Is this an easy fix? Low stakes? Or is it a big deal?)
If I assume that I can’t predict everything that might happen in the future, can I assume that I can pivot, or modify, or build on this decision when I have more information?
If I still need more reassurance, can I ask, “What would ___ say?” And imagine what my manager or partner would likely say.
Do I feel I’m making this decision with best intentions and for the good of those it needs to serve?
If I feel uncertain, does that mean I’m wrong? Is there anyone who really knows? Or is my best judgment as good as any since I will be responsible for the choice?
I heard an interview with President Obama who said, “If a decision gets to my desk, it’s because there isn’t a great choice or an easy choice. There are multiple choices that each have problems. There’s not a obviously better answer. So, I have to decide and move on.”
I think about that when I get stuck. Sometimes there’s not a “best” choice, there’s just making a choice, standing by it and moving on. And if you need to adjust later, you can do that, too.
